If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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