I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
