You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
