I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
