so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
