My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
