my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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