I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize