I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
