I looked at my own cervix.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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