we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
