Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
