I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
