what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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