I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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