I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
