Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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