worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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