I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
