haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
