I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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