i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
