ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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