I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
