what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
