the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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