I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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