NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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