My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
