well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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