can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
