he told me I talked like a deaf person
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
