I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
