Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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