He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
