I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mom said you looked used
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
