were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
