I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
