I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
