Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize