he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
