Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
