U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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