Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
