1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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