Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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