I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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