I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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