you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
