Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
