This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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