census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize