Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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