you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
