chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
