boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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