yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize