I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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