Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
