Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
