K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
