Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize