We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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