Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We had to coat check the pizza.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
