you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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