So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My cat gives me a boner
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
