Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize