i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize