i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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