I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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