She said her name was "party"
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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