after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
