No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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