did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
