i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
