Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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